“I hate Facebook!/I hate timeline!/”Like” if you hate Facebook!/Stupid Facebook!/WTF is wrong with FB?” —almost everybody
You know what I hate? Not a lot, really. I guess I hate flossing my teeth. I hate that it is so goddamned complicated to do my taxes. I hate it when my idiot neighbor’s thuggy dogs bark for an hour straight in the morning, and I conversely hate it when my idiot neighbor comes out and kicks the crap out of them because they bark. I hate it when bad things happen to good people. I hate skim milk. But, come to think of it, I probably don’t really even hate these things (except the cruelty, which includes the skim milk, because that shit is cruel); it’s just more of an annoyance or strong dislike. Hate is just such an angry, red-faced, nostril-steaming word. But listen to the buzz out there and you’ll figure that’s the expression on the faces of all those hundreds of millions of unfortunate souls who are chained to their online devices and forced to interact on Facebook.
“Oh, I almost never go on Facebook…I don’t have time for that shit, man.” Well, aren’t you so much cooler than the rest of us? I’m not ashamed to say I enjoy the heck out of Facebook–in fact, I’d go so far as to say I love it–and I’m on there a lot. I’m a compulsive reader and constant scanner, for one thing, so much so that I remember being a little kid and already knowing the ingredients on my dad’s Head & Shoulders bottle in the bathroom by heart because I’d review them every time I sat in the tub. Facebook is a fun way to indulge my scanning tendencies while joking around and keeping in touch with people who don’t happen to be sitting in the same room with me. I don’t even mind the dreaded timeline, now that I’ve gotten used to the layout. Call me indoctrinated.
Sure, people post things on Facebook that annoy me or say things I think are kind of stupid, but so what? I’m sure I’m not everybody’s favorite FB friend either. I’ve used LOL when at a loss for anything more intelligent to say. I “like” the occasional cute kitty picture. I rant quite a bit, particularly about ignorance and people who insist on coming across like profane versions of e e cummings (“haha biotch i seen ur text wtf how about lunch lol”), but I try to do it in the spirit of entertainment, not just whining. Anyway, nobody’s forcing you to read it. Besides, I think it’s far better to have people bitching about things on Facebook than to have them sitting in the next cubicle bitching about those same things out loud while scarfing microwave popcorn or sucking on a Frappuccino.
In fact, this tendency to look at annoying bullshit as just another opportunity for amusement has started to carry over into my real life in a positive way. I don’t get as mad about things anymore. I mean, really, most of the time, who cares?
Granted, my love of Facebook may stem from my general inclination to keep people at arm’s length (or farther), but, oddly, it has simultaneously made me into a more social/sociable person. I’ve made new friends and strengthened old bonds, shared a lot of news and had a ton of laughs.
I didn’t buy any stock, and if my friends start jumping ship in droves for another social network, I’ll probably follow so I’m not left without anybody to rant to or share pictures of my dinner with. Still, I’d like to let that nerdy, stealthy little Mark Zuckerberg, who seems like somebody I would not enjoy knowing, know that I do enjoy the product nonetheless, and I am not too cool to admit it. As proof, here is an adorable picture of my dogs taking a nap:
hahaha lol 😉 ❤